my brain's the burger and my heart's the coal

i dont really have much to say. i moved out of my moms house. i live with a coworker. keven and i broke up. i saw black snake moan and reno 911. both stellar flicks. i have manicured nails and that makes me happy. so does reading writing and painting, which is what i do with my spare time now. i finally got the internet in my room but am hoping the hiatus i took from it will mean i use it less and do not stop the awesome things ive begun again. i walk on my breaks at work. i write letters. i smoke and drink and laze around and spend time with whom i want when i want. its what i want and its what will make me healthy again. i do believe that one day i can again be someone's other, but not now.

azure ray

Follow blind
Heavy eyes hold position
You were right on time
It was a lucky prediction
Move on move on
It's like the clock is pacing
The break of dawn and our hearts are racing
Move on move on
No there's nothing changing
Don't undermine
My new resolution
Just to find
A different light a new direction
Move on move on
Now the records skipping
I won't forget i won't forget the way you said
Move on move on
There's no point in waiting


bob dylan

Once upon a time you dressed so fine
You threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you?
People'd call, say, "Beware doll, you're bound to fall"
You thought they were all kiddin' you
You used to laugh about
Everybody that was hangin' out
Now you don't talk so loud
Now you don't seem so proud
About having to be scrounging for your next meal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

You've gone to the finest school all right, Miss Lonely
But you know you only used to get juiced in it
And nobody has ever taught you how to live on the street
And now you find out you're gonna have to get used to it
You said you'd never compromise
With the mystery tramp, but now you realize
He's not selling any alibis
As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes
And ask him do you want to make a deal?

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

You never turned around to see the frowns on the jugglers and the clowns
When they all come down and did tricks for you
You never understood that it ain't no good
You shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you
You used to ride on the chrome horse with your diplomat
Who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat
Ain't it hard when you discover that
He really wasn't where it's at
After he took from you everything he could steal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people
They're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
Exchanging all kinds of precious gifts and things
But you'd better lift your diamond ring, you'd better pawn it babe
You used to be so amused
At Napoleon in rags and the language that he used
Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse
When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose
You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

the only update is, i am still fucking crazy.

thank god i can rely on music...



Call off all of your plans
Push back all of your worries
Everything can wait as long as it has to
And it will

You can just let go
And let it rest a while
It all moves into place

Shake off all of that tension
Give up all of your heartache
The weight slips off of your shoulders
Everything's lighter than you think

Let it fall apart
And come together again
And then it's not the same

We don't even know
Think back to remember why
How you became so afraid of life
There must be a reason why
You don't even know
You're only falling to rise again
You're only lost to be found again
It only ends to begin again

Let it fall apart
And come together again
And then it's not the same

I just wanna know
Cuz it's time that we end the day
And you can't even sleep at night
When will you realize
You don't even know
You're only falling to rise again
You're only lost to be found again
It only ends to begin again

every song on futuresex/lovesounds is fucking amazing, but this one particularly blows my mind because i dont see JT as a person who cares about social issues. but oh, i was wrong. he is the perfect man.


"Losing My Way"

Hey excuse me

Hi my name is Bob and I work at my job
I make forty-something dollars a day
I used to be the man in my hometown
Until I started to lose my way
It all goes back to when I dropped out at school
Having fun, I was living the life
But now I got a problem with that little white rock
See I can't put down the pipe

And...

It's breaking me down
Watching the world spin round
While my dreams fall down
Is anybody out there?

It is breaking me down
No more friends around...
And my dreams fall down...
Is anybody out there?

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself...
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell?
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself

Losing my way
Keep losing my way...
Keep losing my way...
Can you help me find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way...
Can you help me find my way?

Now you gotta understand I was a family man
I would have done anything for my own
But I couldn't get a grip on my new found itch
So I ended up all alone
I remember where I was when I got my first buzz
See I thought I was living the life
And the craziest thing is I'll probably never know the color of my daughter's eyes

And it is breaking me down
Watching the world spin round
While me dreams fall down
Is anybody out there?

It is breaking me down
No more friends around...
And my dreams fall down...
Is anybody out there?

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell?
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself.

Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way
Can you help find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way
Can you help me find my way?

Oh my god please forgive me (father hear my prayer)
'Cause I know I've done some wrong in this life
If I could do it all again
Have just one more chance
To take all those wrongs and make them right

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself.

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself

Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way
Can you help me find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way
Can you help me find my way?

i stole my subject line from a certain jordan jordan jordan's away message, who knows where he got it.

keven thomas' 24th birthday is tomorrow! i am making him dinner and weed brownies tomorrow night. then friday is a half day of work, 1/4 day of chillin, and 1/4 day of driving/sleeping/hanging out in charlotte!!!!! we will be there til monday. we are both excited as shit. while we are there we plan to pool party it up at malena's, rave, blaze, booze, and go to carowinds. with lots more in between im sure.

work is getting easier. havent made a payment on the car yet and thus it feels FREE! i am cutting up my credit card after this weekend. kitty is pregnant and i couldnt be happier for her. my nails are long and painted hot pink. my hair is long, red, and cut, thanks to ms sari catherine. i am going on a cruise with my family to the caribbean next summer. this summer i am going camping with my family. i joined the church bowling league, but i dont go to church. i weigh the least i have in years. i have aspirations of the future being filled with grad school, cosmetology school, babies, marriage and traveling.

my life has turned into office space

this is what ill be purchasing with my loan that was approved yesterday ;D

you know you are doing better when being sober feels good again.

i graduated from usc today.

today i made my livejournal friends only. if for some reason i dont have you listed as a friend, and you want to read it [im so popular] then please let me know now and ill add you. im not being a pretentious ass...ask me about it once ive added you and ill explain. adios, public entries.